Back in the USA

Flying from HK to LAX is just like going to the moon. American in general, and LAX in particular is like visiting a miniature UN, a fat farm, and a shock-therapy treatment center all in just a few hours.First person off the plane that I talk to is the customs agent. He asks me about living in China, how long I’m back in the US for; all the typical questions. He wonders why I’m home for the holidays without my wife (she’s already here). He then lets me go with “You can come back and live here forever, you know.” I’m sure my parents paid him to say that.But things go downhill from there. In the next 3 hours, all while still in LAX, my luggage gets lost, found, lost and then found again. As I try to check in for my domestic transfer, I find out that Delta won’t accept luggage over 50lbs from international flights other than Delta flights. No exceptions. 62lbs means another bag or $50. What ever happened to an “overweight” tag? I guess all the Delta flight attendants are wearing them on their butts. Anyway, I repack my bag into the extra duffel I brought and not so politely inform the desk agent that I have a choice with whom I fly and I no longer will chose to fly Delta. You’d think that during a well publicized hostile takeover the service would be better than average rather than worse than usual.Then, joy of joys, I get selected for screening and set off the security screening alarms not just once but twice. “Male Assist. Double Alarm.” They offered me a private room for the impending pat down—really! Then my shoes register some chemical residue and have to be completely wiped down, re-x-rayed and check by a supervisor. I get “wanded” twice and then patted down. After that every single piece of electronic equipment (watch, camera, phone, mp3 player, computer, extension cords, portable hard drive, jump drive) gets wiped down and tested for chemical residue. Of course everything is unpacked and I’m unzipped and standing spread eagle in the hallway by the time we’re done. One more “beep” from the wand and I’d be naked—they told me that. Next time I’m taking the private room.Now, I’m glad that someone is helping us be safe, but honestly, wouldn’t it suck to work for TSA?! I mean, there is no one that is happy to be selected, is there? These TSA people have to deal all day with people who are basically pissed off that they’re just doing their jobs. Cudo’s to Fernando Jr. for being polite the entire time.So now, finally, I’m at the gate. Delta announcer says: “This is a beverage flight only. You still have a few minutes to run and get some food to bring on the plane if you want.” Are you kidding me?! While air service is getting better and better around the world, why does it seem to be really digressing in the US? Security delays aside, why is flying in the US such a pain now days? Flying in the US today means poor service, rude air hostesses and fees for everything. FYI: it costs as much to fly one-way from LAX to SLC as it does to fly roundtrip from Hong Kong to Bangkok; but HK-BKK flight is longer, uses a bigger planes with more passengers per flight, flys out of the biggest airport in the world, offers a full meal each way and I get great service to boot!It took me three hours just to get from terminal 3 to terminal 5! At least I got to people-watch and didn’t miss my flight. And, since I have time while I’m waiting to board (zone 9, of course) I can say that after 6 years in China, I love that American is more and more (obviously) multicultural each time I come back. The security guards in customs were African Americans, the customs agents seemed to be all Asian or White Americans. The baggage guys were all India(n) Americans. The Delta employees were all old White or Asian American women wearing way too much makeup. The TSA people were all African or Hispanic Americans except for the supervisors who where all white—everyone. The “missionaries” outside were African American while the Salvation Army people were all old Whiteladies. The counter workers in every one of the shops were Hispanic Americans—I stopped into a few extra shops just to make sure I wasn’t just over generalizing. And, just so I’m not called a racist—remember, this is just what I saw waiting and waiting and waiting in LAX.Finally, EVERY ONE REGARDLESS OF RACE IS GROSSLY OVER WEIGHT!! We obviously need to start exporting more food to Asia—let’s balance out the trade deficit and drop some lbs at the same time, eh?Welcome to America.